So in general my house is quite scary, this is with all lights on and all rooms checked. There is one truly horrible room that just feels like death. I do not like it. Anyways, I was inspired by the terrifying power outage that plagued my block on Thursday evening to tell you how to survive in my house.
In this example, it is a normal day, and you are just alone in my scary, scary home and it’s probably very dark. (You are not a murderer there to get me, you are normal. And scared, in case that wasn’t clear yet.)
Step One:
Turn on a light of some sort in each room, a lamp is nice, because it is an inviting glow, not a bright weird light like the lights on the ceiling. My whole theory here is that you don’t want the murderers/ghosts to know that you’re onto them. A lamp looks nice, like you’re just making the room look better. The tough room to make not scary is the bathroom, because who has a lamp in the bathroom? No one. But we’ll deal with that later. So congratulations! You’ve aced step one, you turned lamps on.
Step Two:
Look in corners, under things, behind curtains, etc. We didn’t do this first because then you’d be looking for things that could kill you in the dark, stupid. Now, you need to be smart about the bathrooms. In my house, we’ve got two bathrooms with shower curtains and one with an opaque-y sliding door thing. Total bogus. With curtains you just fling them open as fast and violently as you can. The door thing tricks the mind because you can’t really see through it. But still, just open it with the intention of maiming anyone behind it. Step two is now complete! You didn’t find anything scary. Yet.
Step Three:
Now to take care of the evil room. This room I spoke of before is the biggest challenge in my house. I do hope your home has a room like this. It is just plain awful. I don’t know why, but it has a bad feeling to it. I’m not the only one who feels this way, I swear. I bet that someone was murdered in it, because they did not follow simple steps like mine to stay alive. I tend to just close the door to this room, because I don’t want to see it. I pretend it does not exist. I suggest you do the same.
Step Four:
Now that you’ve ensured the house is not currently overrun with death monsters, you can try to relax for a little while. I do my best to distract myself, mostly by multitasking. I am an expert at watching tv and being online at the same time. I am completely shut out from all scary things. I’m lucky enough to have pets, so I can blame scary noises on them, even if they are not the cause. It helps my cope.
If you’ve followed these steps then you’re probably going to survive until someone comes home, or until you leave the house. Good job!
In this example, it is a normal day, and you are just alone in my scary, scary home and it’s probably very dark. (You are not a murderer there to get me, you are normal. And scared, in case that wasn’t clear yet.)
Step One:
Turn on a light of some sort in each room, a lamp is nice, because it is an inviting glow, not a bright weird light like the lights on the ceiling. My whole theory here is that you don’t want the murderers/ghosts to know that you’re onto them. A lamp looks nice, like you’re just making the room look better. The tough room to make not scary is the bathroom, because who has a lamp in the bathroom? No one. But we’ll deal with that later. So congratulations! You’ve aced step one, you turned lamps on.
Step Two:
Look in corners, under things, behind curtains, etc. We didn’t do this first because then you’d be looking for things that could kill you in the dark, stupid. Now, you need to be smart about the bathrooms. In my house, we’ve got two bathrooms with shower curtains and one with an opaque-y sliding door thing. Total bogus. With curtains you just fling them open as fast and violently as you can. The door thing tricks the mind because you can’t really see through it. But still, just open it with the intention of maiming anyone behind it. Step two is now complete! You didn’t find anything scary. Yet.
Step Three:
Now to take care of the evil room. This room I spoke of before is the biggest challenge in my house. I do hope your home has a room like this. It is just plain awful. I don’t know why, but it has a bad feeling to it. I’m not the only one who feels this way, I swear. I bet that someone was murdered in it, because they did not follow simple steps like mine to stay alive. I tend to just close the door to this room, because I don’t want to see it. I pretend it does not exist. I suggest you do the same.
Step Four:
Now that you’ve ensured the house is not currently overrun with death monsters, you can try to relax for a little while. I do my best to distract myself, mostly by multitasking. I am an expert at watching tv and being online at the same time. I am completely shut out from all scary things. I’m lucky enough to have pets, so I can blame scary noises on them, even if they are not the cause. It helps my cope.
If you’ve followed these steps then you’re probably going to survive until someone comes home, or until you leave the house. Good job!
Now this part is a twist! You followed all the steps, but then your hard work goes to shit because the power goes out. For me, the best way to get through being left all alone in a dark, awful house is to look at the least amount of stuff possible. Don’t use a flashlight to look behind things, too risky. Just choose one room, make it your haven and stay there. Light a lot of candles, like a lot a lot. You need noise, music is good, I got lucky and my laptop was about half charged. Bonus points if that works out for you.
That covers just about everything, I wish you the best of luck.
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