Now it is my turn to talk about my lovely job, as a bank teller. I actually really like it a lot, it’s an easy job, I work with cool people, and I get paid too much. But every once in a while, my patience is tested.
This is kind of a backwards How To, because you should not do any of the things I’m going to describe, but if you are a truly horrible person feel free to use this knowledge for evil.
If you refrain from doing these things, your teller will probably harbor no ill will towards you. And you don’t want them to hate you. They have access to your bank account.
Step One
Walking up to the teller before they say hi/nod/look at you/are even at their wicket.
When I walk away from my wicket, that is NOT an invitation to come up and wait for me. I feel obligated to come and help you, but in most cases, I left for a reason. Even in the instance I just walked away to get rid of some money from the last person, I would prefer to come back to an empty area, so I can organize myself for your transaction.
Equally awful, is when people come up to me when I’m clearly focused and working on something to do with the last person. If your teller is looking down, and is very obviously writing, or is looking at their computer screen and clicking the mouse, do NOT walk up to them! What they are doing on their computer is likely not your business, and probably has something to do with someone else’s finances.
So just don’t. Wait for them to at the very least make eye contact with you. Please.
Step Two
Saying everything you need to do to your teller in one sentence. Before they even have your account number.
Once you’ve been given the cue to walk up to your teller, the next thing that will make them unhappy with you is you saying “So yeah, I need to deposit this cheque and take out $18.76 in cash and I want some American money like $200 and then can you look at my last 12 transactions I don’t remember if I paid my dues to the Life Ruiners Society yet and then pay $127.14 to my visa bill oh and then I want you to go to my other account and tell me all the balances from there.”
No one is going to remember all that crap you just spewed. I personally catch the first or last thing said. Maybe something in the middle if I got lucky and it was something simple. We tellers aren’t stupid, but we are probably similar in brain capacity to you. You remember the 47 things you have to do because they are important to you. I don’t care, I just have to press the buttons on the machine to make it happen, and as soon as you leave, I do not remember what you just did. So at the very least, tell them your account number, give them your card or ID, whatever. Just let them have a place where they can try and follow along with your nonsense.
Step Three
Getting upset about the wait.
In a way, I do feel bad for everyone waiting in the line. But when someone comes up and says something about us being understaffed, not having enough wickets open, or people standing around not helping customers, I lose all sympathy.
If we’re understaffed, it’s not a choice. We tried hard to get the people we have at all. Just think, your choices are either one person not there, or that person there coughing and hacking all over your money. You’d still be choked.
Not enough wickets open? Do you see extra people just like, lying on the floor or something? No. This ties in with people “standing around”, anyone not helping you is doing something else important. Just be quiet. Nobody wants to help you, but we have to. Just be glad we’re being paid to have to help you, because we wouldn’t otherwise.
Now, believe me, there are a ton of other ways to make your teller angry, but these are the most common. I have unique issues everyday, so just try to be a decent person, and take your time. There’s not a ton of urgency in banking.
BONUS : Ways to Make the Bank Lady Happy
-Write silly things in the memo line on cheques (an actual cheque we recently got was memo’d “for butt plugs and dildos”)
-Talk to us like the humans we are. Friendly conversation is allowed. Welcomed even.
-Bring us gifts! We got some really good cookies this week. You’re in the clear no matter what you do when you bring us things.
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