How To Thursday: How Survive Traffic II

Ok so I realized yesterday that there is a flaw in my first post on traffic.


I was caught in the most ridiculous traffic of my life yesterday and it was absolutely pouring rain. I was texting Kyla...yes illegal I know but the highway was a parking lot, so I wouldn't call it texting and driving...and she suggested I play a few of my traffic games. I was heartbroken when I realized that it was raining so hard I could not see any people in the other cars to entertain myself with. I did play the license plate game for a minute, but it gets really lame when the cars are not moving at all so you are staring at the same car for a million years.


So moral of the story, I made up two new traffic games for the rain.


Now I realize these are dangerous but are to be implemented in parking lot traffic.


1) Connect the Raindrops.
If you have a good imagination, you can do it in your mind but my car is well equipped and I used window writers to draw stuff on my window:) I don't have any pictures because my car fogged up and the drawings bled really fast. But here is an example.

A unicorn with laminitis!

2) Catch the Beat
This involves turning your windshield wipers on and off to match up to the beat of whatever song you are listening too. It usually only matches up for a few seconds but it gives you the sense of accomplishment.


Viola!

Memory Monday : Water Skiing

This is going to somewhat be a how-to, because you are going to learn some valuable lessons from this story.

When I was six, one lovely, sun filled summer, I was staying at my family’s cabin. We had some sweet connections to some people with a boat, tubes and water skis. Now, by age six I had mastered the art of sitting in a tube and gliding across the water. I had not yet tried skiing. It couldn’t be that hard though really, you just stand and the boat pulls you.

So I mustered up the courage to go for it. Everyone around me were practically water skiing geniuses, so I took their advice to heart and prepared myself for greatness. Some of their tips were : “bend your knees a little”, “HOLD ON TIGHT”, “lean back when the boat starts going” and also, “HOLD ON TIGHT”. My tiny brain really held onto the whole hold on tight thing.

And so there I was, standing in the water. With gigantic slabs stuck to my feet. Holding onto a bar that connected me to a death machine. I was not excited anymore. But before I knew it, the boat roared to a start, and I was off the the races. I began like an all star, for about 8 seconds. Then I fell. And I held on tight. And I kept holding on tight. Because I was good at following directions. No one had told me to let go if I fell, so I didn’t. (Now is a good time to mention that you shouldn’t allow anyone to film your first experience with something like water skiing.) I assure you, it wasn’t painful, it was kind of fun, and I don’t remember if I let go by choice, or if the handle thing was yanked from my hands by some mystical water force. When I returned ashore, everyone commended me for my valiant attempt to master the lake, but it wasn’t enough to convince me to get back on those god-forsaken skis.

I never tried water skiing again.

How to Thursday : Banana Bread?

A year ago, I was making banana bread on a weekly basis. I baked all through the summer. Good times. School has been crazy so the last time I made something was Christmas (maybe even longer). So with a sunny day today, I feel like I can pull out a recipe for HTT.

I feel like my HTT's haven't been very valuable. Like they can't be applied to all practical days in life. But I feel that banana bread is a very practical thing to learn. 

(okay. okay. Its a recipe, its not an ACTUAL how-to. I get that. But who doesn't want an awesome banana bread recipe? Thats what I thought)


So. You will need:


3 1/2 cups Flour
1 1/2 cups Sugar
2 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Cinnamon


2/3 cup Melted Margarine
1 cup Mashed Bananas
1 1/2 cup Milk
2 tbsp Lemon Juice
2 tsp Vanilla


Preheat oven to 350 
[I've only done this in a convection oven. If you are gonna just do Bake then....have fun? same thing? Just watch it a bit more than I tell you]


1) Sift/mix/combine the dry ingredients into a large bowl.


2) Mix/blend/combine the wet ingredients into a second bowl.


3) Pour the wet ingredients into dry in one go. Mix until all is blended together, but try not to over mix. Also, do this all by hand. Its a work out, and I think it tastes better. 


4) Grease bread pans (makes 2) or put the papers cups in muffin pans (makes 24 cupcake sized). Pour in batter. 


5) Put in oven. 
    For loafs, its pretty much 50 minutes exactly, and muffins, I'd say 15-20. 


6) Take them out, let them cool and enjoy.


Happy Thursday

Scrounging

Ok so I know you heard from me yesterday, but today has just been so crazy I thought I would share.


So first, I was too lazy to make myself lunch this morning so I was all "Oooh I still have money on my Subway gift card" Problem solved.


NOPE


I'm a moron and left my purse at Brittny's last night...my bad. So Im feeling all badass driving to work without a license and everything but now I have no lunch and no money. 


I get to work and everything is all good. While the kids are at recess I go back to my car to scrounge around for food. For those of you who know me, my car is always a mess and the chance of something edible being in there is super high. But of course I cleaned my car last weekend and took out the unopened bag of tortilla chips that had been in the back seat "in case of emergencies" all semester long. I did, however find a twoonie!!!! So I walked to the 711 down the street and got instant noodles...crisis averted.


So then I'm helping supervise the grade ones while they eat their lunch and this kid, Louis- (not his real name but its close) is being a little punk and every time I tell him to sit down he says "NO". So his teacher comes over and gives him the whole "respect your teachers" lecture and makes him apologize. Louis is kinda a trouble maker and he is often getting talked to but I had never seen her jump on him this quickly, so this was a new tactic. Once he said sorry and sat down she smiled and said to me that she is not putting up with his crap anymore and that it is "hammer-time" for Louis. I started to laugh when lil Louis piped up "Can't touch this". Yup. Amazing.


THEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN some little jerk in grade three stole one of my favourite teacher's iphone when they were in gym class. Draaaamaaa.
Luckily she had some app that lets her go online, lock down her phone and then is able to see its location. Turns out whoever took it tossed it under the dumpster. Good times.


So ya, exciting day so far...and its only 2:15!!! 


Oh and by the way, the reason I wanted to share is cause me scrounging around my car reminded me of the good ole days where my middle sis, Jessa, skated and me and my youngest sister had to sit at the arena. They had a concession stand and my mother would always claim that she "had no money" so we would go and scrounge for coins and would sometimes be able to afford a pretzel or 5 cent candies....am I alone in this activity?


Good day.

Memory Monday: Sticky Witchy

I can't remember exactly how I remembered this, but it came up in discussion a few weeks ago. I am sure it is becoming more evident just how weird I am, and this is another example of just how odd I was *cough* am.

So my younger sisters and I were addicted to playing outside like any good kid was. None of this Xboxnintendostayindoorsalldayandsuckatlife shiznat. We played weeeird games like holding snail races, follow the ant, golf cart tag- we had rich neighbours.... But the most fun was Sticky Witchy.

We have a very useful front yard with a round-about-driveway with trees and bushes around it.

See.

So two of us would do around and around the drive way as fast as we could. The trick was to get past Sticky Witchy.

Sticky Witchy was a clever one, usually played by my youngest sister, Sophie. She would hold a large stick and hide in one of the bushes and would randomly jump out and try to make us fall off our bikes.

Sticky Witchy wasn't allowed to touch us with her hands, just the stick...clever name eh?  The most popular way off accomplishing this was to jam the stick into the spokes of our bikes. I truly do not remember any bikes being harmed in this process, although we certainly were.

Its amazing that neither of us never broke any bones or such over this adventure. I have a few scars that I reminisce over but really that was the worst of it.

Cheers to weirdness! Hip hip!

How To Thursday : How To Anger the Bank Lady

    Now it is my turn to talk about my lovely job, as a bank teller. I actually really like it a lot,  it’s an easy job, I work with cool people, and I get paid too much. But every once in a while, my patience is tested.

     This is kind of a backwards How To, because you should not do any of the things I’m going to describe, but if you are a truly horrible person feel free to use this knowledge for evil.

     If you refrain from doing these things, your teller will probably harbor no ill will towards you. And you don’t want them to hate you. They have access to your bank account.

Step One

     Walking up to the teller before they say hi/nod/look at you/are even at their wicket.

     When I walk away from my wicket, that is NOT an invitation to come up and wait for me. I feel obligated to come and help you, but in most cases, I left for a reason. Even in the instance I just walked away to get rid of some money from the last person, I would prefer to come back to an empty area, so I can organize myself for your transaction.

     Equally awful, is when people come up to me when I’m clearly focused and working on something to do with the last person. If your teller is looking down, and is very obviously writing, or is looking at their computer screen and clicking the mouse, do NOT walk up to them! What they are doing on their computer is likely not your business, and probably has something to do with someone else’s finances.

     So just don’t. Wait for them to at the very least make eye contact with you. Please.

Step Two

     Saying everything you need to do to your teller in one sentence. Before they even have your account number.

    Once you’ve been given the cue to walk up to your teller, the next thing that will make them unhappy with you is you saying “So yeah, I need to deposit this cheque and take out $18.76 in cash and I want some American money like $200 and then can you look at my last 12 transactions I don’t remember if I paid my dues to the Life Ruiners Society yet and then pay $127.14 to my visa bill oh and then I want you to go to my other account and tell me all the balances from there.”

    No one is going to remember all that crap you just spewed. I personally catch the first or last thing said. Maybe something in the middle if I got lucky and it was something simple. We tellers aren’t stupid, but we are probably similar in brain capacity to you. You remember the 47 things you have to do because they are important to you. I don’t care, I just have to press the buttons on the machine to make it happen, and as soon as you leave, I do not remember what you just did. So at the very least, tell them your account number, give them your card or ID, whatever. Just let them have a place where they can try and follow along with your nonsense.

Step Three

     Getting upset about the wait.

     In a way, I do feel bad for everyone waiting in the line. But when someone comes up and says something about us being understaffed, not having enough wickets open, or people standing around not helping customers, I lose all sympathy.

     If we’re understaffed, it’s not a choice. We tried hard to get the people we have at all. Just think, your choices are either one person not there, or that person there coughing and hacking all over your money. You’d still be choked.

     Not enough wickets open? Do you see extra people just like, lying on the floor or something? No. This ties in with people “standing around”, anyone not helping you is doing something else important. Just be quiet. Nobody wants to help you, but we have to. Just be glad we’re being paid to have to help you, because we wouldn’t otherwise.

     Now, believe me, there are a ton of other ways to make your teller angry, but these are the most common. I have unique issues everyday, so just try to be a decent person, and take your time. There’s not a ton of urgency in banking.

BONUS : Ways to Make the Bank Lady Happy

-Write silly things in the memo line on cheques (an actual cheque we recently got was memo’d “for butt plugs and dildos”)

-Talk to us like the humans we are. Friendly conversation is allowed. Welcomed even.

-Bring us gifts! We got some really good cookies this week. You’re in the clear no matter what you do when you bring us things.

Memory Monday: Drunk or a Kid II

So I have found my theme. I wasn't the activist like Brittny, or the scarred child like Casey. I was stupid as a kid and it makes some pretty good stories. 

When I was around four years old I was hanging out in my front driveway, waiting for my mom to come through the garage. 


Our garage door had a handle on the outside, so that if the power went out, we were still able to open it. I got a bright idea. I'm not sure which one it was, but I have narrowed it down to two ideas:
1. I was gonna help lift up the door
or 
2. That it would be fun to hold on to the door as it went up. 
So I waited, with both of my hands on the handle, waiting for my mom to press the button to open the door. 


When my mom did open the door, I helped lift/held on tight. 


This is when I'm pretty sure I forgot to let go. I held on so tight that I was lifted off the ground and started to freak out. My mom hadn't noticed me hanging from the door until I started screaming. She then had to run to hit the button to stop the door and grab me before I fell. She got me down pretty easily so all was well.


No harm. No foul. 


But I'm pretty sure I wasn't trusted alone with the garage door for awhile afterwards.


Happy Monday :)

How To Thursday: How to Befriend 6-Year-Olds

So I haven't had a chance to talk about my work yet. As it says in our intro, I work in a school; specifically with special needs kids. But I do get moved around a lot.

I consider it a good day when I get assigned to kindergarten. Those lil tykes are absolutely hilarious. The problem is, they are also sort of evil...so you definitely want to be on their good side. Here is a simple list of simple tricks to entertain and ensure your safety.

1. Tell them you are a ninja.

This may seem like a copout to a classic but if you make it believable it wins them over. I had to resort to this one during a particularly  crazy craft session. The trick is to teach your mini ninjas that they can only be part of your flipout (yup that's right, a group of ninjas is a flipout...crazy right?) if they keep the ninja code of silence and not tell anyone else of their skills. This will result in a lot of whispering and random HIIIIIIEEE YAAAs in the hallway when you approach. Its pretty epic.

2. When they ask your age, tell them you are 407.

Everyone answers 100. Not so impressive anymore. Saying 400 isn't that believable whereas 407 creates questions like "What did you do on your 406th birthday?" Or "You've seen dinosaurs right?". Ya that one is fun.

3. If they are reluctant to pack their things in their backpacks and lineup...pretend to steal their stuff, put it on and stand in their line-up.

For some reason they find this absolutely hilarious. I'm  just waiting for them to not pay attention so I can actually steal their backpacks...there are some pretty awesome ones out there.

So here are the basics

...happy kid-manipulating! :)

Memory Monday : Chalk Trickery

     Now as a child, I was no Kyla, I wasn’t one for shoving things in my nose, or putting myself in harm’s way in general. I used to love, I mean l-o-v-e sidewalk chalk. I don’t know how much time I spent doing crap drawings all over the ground, which were no doubt very clever. 

     When I got a little older, my friend and I discovered how to make really badass mud cakes (no, not mud pies, those are childish). We made them look pretty fantastic. We made frosting, out of powdered chalk and water. We were soon inspired to mash up white chalk, mix it with water and call it “whipped cream”. Boy did we think we were smart. Using our wits to trick those around us, we went around the culdesac, telling all the townspeople that it was delicious, fresh whipped cream (with dirt and rocks in it). I remember being asked why our moms gave us a handful of whipped cream, and I do not know what our answer was. I still don’t know how one could answer that. 

     One of our neighbours came around when we were still making out faux whipped cream, and we demanded she eat some. No dice. But, she did say “maybe later”, which to us meant “absolutely!”. This caused us to cackle madly over how clever we were. No doubt, shattering any faith the neighbour had in us. Oops. She never did come back and eat it.


And happy first post of April! :)